Getting Ready for Christmas

The season before Christmas for my family is a mixed bag. A mix of excitement, exhaustion, anxiety all rolled into one. We make our Christmas presents which originally more a financial choice at the time has become a tradition to keep us connected to the point of Christmas. Mary and Joseph both gave that gift by putting side their plans and dreams and said yes to God’s plan. Jesus gave of himself by coming to earth in the form of a child to provide the gift of salvation, a new relationship with God. As we are in this season of giving, I strive to remember the reason behind the original gift, the offer of ones self, the relationhip and not all of the glitz and sparkle the world would suggest.
Peace,
John

My dog the therapist

Every morning I try to participate in therapy. My therapy consists of getting up and letting my dog out her kennel and then out of the house. After things get situated a bit I take her for our morning walk. Therapy sessions are traditionally a sedentary event, sitting across from someone and talking through some issue that has happened or come to the forefront recently.

My therapy sessions do have talking, generally it is me directing Molly not to pull on her leash, to sit and wait at intersections. To be on watch for the dreaded and dangerous squirrels. I also spend a lot of time just talking with Molly, not about the issue of my day or things like that, but I find myself asking her “What do you see?” and looking for things that would interest a year old Wheaten Terrier. Looking at the world in a different way, a more simple processing of what I see. Not city or global issues, financial questions or things like that but, more of a “What is that in the distance?” “What is that noise?” ” What is that smell?” Responding to the environment around me, this helps release the fog of the day before and the one coming.

I also find myself frequently encouraging Molly, telling her that she is doing a good job or that she is a good dog. Giving her treats when she responds with a properly timed sit and a waiting for a release. This lifts my mood, saying positive things and having success in the morning creates a more positive experience of the morning for me.

The last piece of the therapy is the exercise, I am not going for many miles or at full speed, it is a quick pace and lasts for about 30 minutes. The exercise wakes me up, loosens the joints and makes the blood pump, knocks the cobwebs that have been created overnight.

John

I’ll sleep when I am dead

“I’ll sleep when I am dead” is a phrase that I use frequently, to describe my life and it’s pace. It means to me that I don’t have the time to rest and I just need to keep powering through. It is a mind-set that I have used for many years continuously. It is also a practice that has taken a toll on my body and soul. As I age, and try to do it gracefully (if that is possible) I find that I can not maintain that pace for very long. I cannot go and go and go with the thought that I will sleep when I am done.  I am figuring out that if I do keep living that out I will get my chance to sleep sooner than I would like.

Recently I was able to take a three-day retreat at the Franciscan Spiritual Center located in La Crosse, Wisconsin. I stayed in a small Hermitage which it had plumbing and electricity (which to me is a requirement) and a nice easy chair in front of a big plate-glass window looking out into the woods. This was a retreat I had rescheduled about 4 times, trying to find time to rest but the pace of my life was not conducive to it, I was still living out the previous pattern. During the retreat I caught up on sleep, wrote, sketched, talked with God and listened. I read a book and slept some more. I made some personal revelations that I may share later.

The important part of this rambling I believe is that the rest I was able to get enabled me to support and respond to families at the Family Assistance Center. It was the rest that made it so that I could turn around and come back to my family and engage with them. It was catching up and spending quiet time that helped me recover to come back to normal ( at least normal for me.) Now I am not sure that I am completely reformed in my practice and there are going to be times where I just keep plowing through out of necessity, desperation or stupidity. I do know that this one worked well, it gives me the desire to do it again, I just hope it does not take a year to get back there.

with Metta,

John

A simple chocolate bar?

Can a simple chocolate bar make you cry? I know a few people who would have not thought so until they ran into this specific one. This bar did not have a large amount of spices in it that made their eyes water. It was not some other strange ingredient that induced tears.

The background is that just recently I was working with a family and the last request this family had as they said their final goodbyes was could I make sure this chocolate bar go with the woman that had died. It was explained to me that the two small children had given it to their mother because they know she loves chocolate and they hoped that it would help her get better.

That chocolate bar was infused with powerful elements: love, hope, and healing. As I accepted that chocolate bar from that family it was a symbol of their trust in myself, my coworkers and my organization to provide the best care possible and to carry through with their wishes for love, hope and healing. In this case she was not able to go home with them and go on living. But through the thinking ahead of herself and her husband they decided to be a donor if it ever became a possibility. With that preparation being done, she was able to directly help 6 other people through organ donation and many more through tissue donation.

The chocolate bar did follow the path it was sent on, it stayed with her through the whole time. But that love, hope and healing went out with the gifts she gave to others. The gift of life, hope and healing of being healthy, freedom of movement, spending time with children or grandchildren. The gift those kids gave has had a huge impact, hopefully that one day they will understand, It brought tears (of joy and sadness) to not only the staff but those and (their family members) that received their mother’s gifts of hope, love and healing.

Peace,

John

 

Today was one of those days

Today was one of those days

Hurry up get ready out the door and drive

Hurry up read the chart talk with the staff and sit

Hurry up plan the approach, have the conversation than sit

There was a definite theme to my day. I am not as much complaining as trying to get it out of me. I spent the day working with a family that just suffered a tragedy that I never want to go through. They were dealing with the loss of a parent, spouse, sibling, child from a tragic accident. They were willing to give the gift of life, through organ and tissue donation in a very dark time.

My job today was to be present to them. It was to help them through some paperwork, to offer condolences, answer questions perhaps give them something to hold onto in a time when the world is swirling around them like a giant whirlpool and you are not always sure you want to survive. I honestly tell them I cannot fix it and I don’t try too. No platitudes about how time heals all wounds or things will work out for the better, or so on and so on. My job was to be with them for this part of the journey and give them the best care I could.

So it was hurry up and wait, wait and be present, wait and look for an opening, wait to be used. Yep today was one of those days, I just hope that I waited well.

Quietly,

John

Iconic Signs and People

The other night Lisa, Nathaniel, Lucia and I celebrated an evening of nice weather by taking a walk on the Stone Arch Bridge in downtown Minneapolis. We had a couple of goals; one was to enjoy a night of nice weather before hibernation, and the other was to get some exercise. We achieved both of the goals but I also was able to take some photos of the signs from the bridge and of some cute folks as well. I thought I would share them with you.

This North Star Woolen Mill company was founded in 1864. To find out more you can follow the link to Wikipedia.

Another sign we came across on the same side was this one. You can trace General Mills lineage to this sign. The company was started in 1856 as the Minneapolis Milling Company (again thank you Wikipedia)

The last iconic sign I came across was this one, the mighty Mississippi was and still is a great thoroughfare of agriculture and business and with the falls the ability to have energy for the mills and well as transport the goods made it a great place to build a business.

The final iconic image for me is a photo of what hopefully people will see in many years as a sign of my life’s work. It is not a complete picture as one is missing but it is a start. The work I do as a husband and father is to do build the people in the photo not just for the legacy that they will produce, more importantly the love I have for them.

with metta,

John

Images of Masculinity

I was listening to Brad Paisley’s song “I am still a guy” yesterday as I was mowing the lawn and it is an interesting perspective on what it means to be a man. Now before I get too serious, I do enjoy the music and Mr. Paisley’s ability to tell a story through his songs.

But as I was listening and contemplating the idea it had me considering what does it mean to be a man in this society and represent a true sense of masculinity. The song talks about the difference of viewpoints such as a seeing a deer as Bambi vs antlers on the wall, a lake meaning a picnic or a chance to fish for a trophy. It comes down to the refrain you can clean me up and dress me up but I am still a guy.

I think that in some ways this is true, that there are many ways the world tells us to be men or masculine. The song suggests a few hunting, fishing, gun ownership and anti manliness such as manicures, and things like that. My perspective would be that true masculinity comes from within, not trying to do things to show others you are a man. It goes back to a quote “Being a leader is like being a woman if you have to tell them then you are not one.”

If you feel like you have to do what the world tells you is manly to be perceived as a true man you have lost the battle. For me being a true man is living out my promises to my God, wife and children. Standing by my word and being loyal. Being a person of integrity and honor, be willing to sacrifice what I look like for the betterment of others. Being willing to walk around the neighborhood with a pink blankie and teddy bear as my daughter rides her pink bicycle and not being ashamed of it.

with metta,

John

My media empire

Ok so the title is a bit presumptuous, ok I admit a lot presumptuous but it leads me into my thoughts about social media this morning. As I log on to my facebook account and think about what if anything I should post about the day, my thoughts and so as I know my numerous friends are waiting to be updated. (Warning lots of subtle sarcasm today) I also consider what am I going to post on my blog the one you are currently reading or the other two that I have, BirthdayBucks or the website/blog for MESCA (Minnesota Emergency Services Chaplain Association) I find myself thinking and stumbling because I feel like I need to have an overall plan for my media empire and each individual site. That there should be some specific awareness raising plan for each and if I could find that plan, I could implement it and the websites would take off and soon I would be consulting with other people on ideas, being interviewed as an expert on national tv and maybe even if I am lucky make enough money to pay for the cost to register my domain names.

In all reality what I want is for those places to be resources for others and my personal blog, (the one you are currently reading) to be a place to express myself and connect with others through my writings. So no longer am I going to look for the 12 step plan (Freudian slip perhaps?) I am (as a great shoe company encourages us to) just do it. So here is the one step plan, I will be posting on Tuesdays to the MESCA website and on Thursdays to the Birthdaybucks.org website.

Look for updates at those times, not saying at what time those will be posted ideally in the morning but I gave up on ideally after my first child was born.  If you could add the sites to your RSS feed or reader and tell me what you think. I am always looking for nice words and at times constructive criticism

So here we go off to build my media empire. I promise to remember all you small or smaller type people when I am big and famous. (Hey I got half of that accomplished and I am not talking about the famous part.)

With Metta,

John

Redemption and creativity and timing

Part of my job is helping people see some form of redemption in a situation. I generally can’t fix their problem, someone has died but help them hold onto something so they can go on the journey through it. I found the other day as I was working with a family and I later journaled about it I could not find the redemption part in it. As I was writing about it which is included in this blog I so wanted to “create” a redemptive ending. I wanted to wrap it all up in sitcom form, meaning that you identify the problem, it becomes uncomfortable. someone learns a lesson and it all comes together at the end. But that is not what always happens, if there is redemption it can be a long time in the making.

“Pure Pain”

Distilled by daily doses

Distilled by society at large and by individuals

Pain brought forth from misunderstandings,

different views,

quick words and slow thoughts

Simmering and seeping right below the surface coming out sideways

Brought to the surface by a single action

That action fed and created by other choices, nursed along until for the moment of harvest

to light the match,

to start the wildfire of suffering, leaving the desolation of charred dreams, the ashes of hopes

the cinders of what could have been flickering and slowing going dark.

Leaving those behind so looking for redemption for new life, any life that can be found.

Learning the new landscape, learning how to survive with no obvious or easily found resources.

Taking more time to find basic things, understanding what truly is necessary vs frivolous.

Standing watch

A portion of what I do.

Standing watch over others

Protection through being vigilant

Sustaining a wall of protection that is permeable to help and resistant to trouble

Leaving when it is done, when the event is over

Moving to the next group who are waiting from someone to stand watch over them whether they know it or not

Standing watch

a job

a duty

a honor

with metta,

John

Watching the sacred happening on the inside while the world whips by on the outside

Placing myself in between distractions and disasters and the people I am watching over